according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
