we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
