I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
