Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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