My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just want nice things and good sex
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
