I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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