For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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