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I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I FOUND THE LEGS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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