Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
