I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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