My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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