cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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