Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
