Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
