I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
