Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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