I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
