at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
