Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
