I will die if light touches me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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