Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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