I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
