i permit you to call me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
