its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
