RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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