i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
