yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Small penises have feelings too.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
