I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
