I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
