The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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