How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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