i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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