why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
