She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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