No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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