im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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