Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
