what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
