That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
