Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I bet he comes in French.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
