were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
