That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
