I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
