Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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