Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
