Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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