i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
