May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
