i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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