i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
